The Buddhist

by Kye Alfred Hillig

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about

All songs for this album were written over a week and a half in early June 2014.

credits

released 14 August 2014

Produced and mixed by Daniel G. Harmann & Kye Alfred Hillig July 14th-16th 2014 at The H Estate in Sumner, WA.

All songs written and performed by Kye Alfred Hillig.

Backing vocals by Kye Alfred Hillig & Daniel G. Harmann.

Mastered at RFI in Seattle by Rick Fisher on August 1st, 2014.

Cover photo by Kye Alfred Hillig

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For show info and more, find Kye Alfred on Facebook at:
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or on Twitter at:
www.twitter.com/KyeAlfredHillig

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Track Name: My Young Love Was As Blind As Ray Charles And Half As Cold As Heat
Snow had fallen all over the ground
My hair was dyed blue for three days now
And I was running from home
Got as far as Lower Burnett
My Mom pulled up and begged me to come back,
But something had to go
It was miles and miles just freezing shoes
Trucks would honk their horns and scream, “Fuck you!”
But I’d heard that before
I came walking into Wilkeson, hungry and tired
Holly let me in
And her parents said I could stay

And I really thought that I knew myself
The color of my heart and how it felt
And Oh! How my young love would never sleep
I thought that I’d be twenty-five, famous, & married
I thought that if I stayed there she’d start to seeing me,
But my young love was as blind as Ray Charles and half as cold as heat

We were sleeping in the same bed
I don’t know why her parents were ok with that,
But nothing happened sexually
Dale gave me Corona, put Led Zeppelin on
We went upstairs and wrestled for fun
And she was stronger than me
We watched Gwyneth Paltrow and Ethan Hawke
Something came over me: an electric shock
And I just came alive
She said there were four guys who wanted her time
I said, “If you count me then it’s probably five.”
And she ran to her room and cried

And I really thought that I knew myself
The color of my heart and how it felt
And Oh! How my young love would never sleep
I thought that I’d be twenty-five, famous, & married
I thought that if I stayed there she’d start to seeing me,
But my young love was as blind as Ray Charles and half as cold as heat

We didn’t talk after that for years and years
‘Til Barbara cheated and then disappeared
And then a call came out of the blue
Guitar lessons were hard to afford
Would I stop by sometime and show her some chords?
Like a wish coming true
We got together quick /// like a dog plays fetch
She put my sticker on her car
And I gave her bad sex
And we moved in with my friends
We broke up quick /// she showed up with her Mom
Her Mom said, “Sad day.”
And I asked her, “Which one?”
And life felt like a grave

And I really thought that I knew myself
The color of my heart and how it felt
And Oh! How my young love would never sleep
I thought that I’d be twenty-five, famous, & married
I thought that if I stayed there she’d start to seeing me,
But my young love was as blind as Ray Charles and half as cold as heat
Track Name: Berlin Ain't What It Used To Be
Claudia’s friend Linda who recently died,
Worked with us too back when she was alive
And I’d threaten to take her out when I got paid
She’d laugh and say, “Go find someone you’re own age!”
But if you saw these two old Germans you’d know two things:
1) That friendship can be hard, and that...
2) Berlin ain’t what it used to be

Claudia and I would work side by side,
Scraping the ceilings after some violent crime
And she’d think she saw a ghost and asked if I had seen
Stepping out for a smoke saying, “Berlin ain’t what it used to be.”

But here you are a million miles from home
And the wall has fallen
And you’ve changed yourself, you know?
So they built some condos
So they hung up some new lights
I bet you after the sun goes down that the fucker really sparkles at night

I watched these two old Germans down scrubbing the floors,
Picking up human teeth from beneath a chest of drawers
And how they’d stay out all night long back when they were teens
A different guy each night, but now Berlin ain’t what it used to be

Linda quit her job and moved to LA
To live with her son and sit by the pool all day
And when she walked away her stride was light and free,
And Claudia cried, “Berlin ain’t what it used to be.”
Track Name: Come Play With Me
Come play with me
We really need a drummer
Scottie you’re a drummer
Come play with me

You called me ‘sweetheart’
Your hat hung low (how did you see?)
You listened to STP
It was the only band that you would sing

It was a long long long long long long long long life
Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways?
Did they push your heart into the night?
Oh, Scottie, please forgive me!
I didn’t mean to be like them
If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend

You told me that you were getting busy
You’d have to quit the band
I saw my hard work go down the drain
And then you showed up in your pickup
I told you to “Get your shit and go.”
You tried to tell me sorry,
But I just pointed down the road

It was a long long long long long long long long life
Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways?
Did they push your heart into the night?
Oh, Scottie, please forgive me!
I didn’t mean to be like them
If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend

I called you weeks later,
But you did not answer
I left a message:
“Let’s go get a coffee.
Let’s make the past the past.”
Then they called me,
Told me you hung yourself from a bridge
A place you went to as a kid
And I just listened to the bus

It was a long long long long long long long long life
Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways?
Did they push your heart into the night?
Oh, Scottie, please forgive me!
I didn’t mean to be like them
If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend

Weeks later, I went to your Catholic funeral
And all my friends were crying,
But I just listened to the church
Your parents stood up and said you were going to Hell
Some friends told me they touched you when you were just a child

It was a long long long long long long long long life
Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways?
Did they push your heart into the night?
Oh, Scottie, please forgive me!
I didn’t mean to be like them
If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend

Come play with me
We really need a drummer
Scottie you’re a drummer
Come play with me
Track Name: The House Across The Street Feeds On Broken Families
I was twelve and playing video games when a knock came at the door
It was the woman from across the street and she was crying so hard she could barely speak
She was clutching her head and staring at the sky, but she pointed across the way
I followed my dad over to their door and that’s where our neighbor’s boyfriend lay
He’d fallen while hanging some Christmas lights for her kids in the middle of the night
My Dad held him up so he wouldn’t choke on his blood, but the man was barely alive
And they airlifted him to Harborview from the field of my elementary school
He didn’t make it through the night and pretty soon my neighbor and her kids had moved
And it really stuck with me the way you can lose something you love so quick
But that guy really stepped up to raise her kids and I never thought he’d end up like this

The house across the street
(Stay empty! Stay empty!)
The house across the street
(Eats families! Eats families!)

The ‘for rent’ sign was coming down and another family came moving in
The two parents were morbidly obese and they were always yelling at their kids
Who ran around the block like wild wolves: dirty faces & dirty clothes
And when they wanted them home they’d yell,
“Get your fucking asses inside! Don’t make me count! Don’t make me find you and beat you within an inch of your life!”
Plates would break
Doors would slam
And I would wait for it all to end
It made it hard to play video games when people were beating up your friends
And once in a while they’d load into the car and the shocks would cry beneath their weight
And all the neighborhood kids would laugh
And I’d just wish they’d drive off and never come back...

The house across the street
(Stay empty! Stay empty!)
The house across the street
(Eats families! Eats families!)
Track Name: Licorice The Dog
Danny’s dog tore apart my hand
And I cried
And I bled
‘Cause I thought that he and I were friends
‘Cause I’d pet his head
The dog had a collar around his neck
That shocked him if he ran
And there was a tired look inside his eyes
Like he’d had enough life

You can tie what you love up to a tree
Give it water, say, “It belongs to me.”
Maybe there’s peace at night in Hell,
But it seems that we’re not the people that we think

A garter snake got into Ryan’s yard
We beat him to death for fun
It broke my heart and I told my mother so
Her son: a criminal
Danny and Ryan played by the service ditch without me
...Bullshit
And Ryan’s arm had been in a sling
I pushed him into the hole
And they chased me

You can tie what you love up to a tree
Give it water, say, “It belongs to me.”
Maybe there’s peace at night in Hell,
But it seems that we’re not the people that we think

And on our block lived a wanted man
Alone: no friends
He was quiet, but gave us friendly nods
As we rode by his yard
One day the police converged upon his house
In handcuffs, they brought him out
His house sat empty and his grass grew tall
And his crime grew as we talked

You can tie what you love up to a tree
Give it water, say, “It belongs to me.”
Maybe there’s peace at night in Hell,
But it seems that we’re not the people that we think
Track Name: I'm Alive Because Of Nuclear Bombs
If the U.S. had not nuked Japan, I wouldn’t be alive today
My grandfather would have been the first to hit the shore
And he would have been the first one to get blown away,
But he impregnated my grandma instead
Got up early to bake Sunbeam Bread
Called all Asian people ‘Japs’
Watched Married With Children and laughed

And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on
And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But it’s hard to forget that I’m here because of something so wrong

He’d work on his Model A
Call me each year on my birthday,
But he had a heart impossible to touch
He didn’t seem interested in my life all that much
And after my Grandmother’s stroke
Alligators brought flowers each day to her window
He remarried before her body was cold
I think my family had a hard time letting that go

And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on
And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But it’s hard to forget that I’m here because of something so wrong

My mom called to tell me he’d passed
And when his service in Salem would be,
But I already had a life of my own
Grown far away from the things that he chose not to know
And years later my Mom gave me a letter
About my Grandfather not killing a Japanese soldier on a smoke break
When he easily could
I guess inside of his chest hid a heart that was good

And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on
And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But millions of people had to die so that I could be born
And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on
And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs,
But it’s hard to forget that I’m here because of something so wrong
Track Name: Some Good Things Just Have To Die
I was drunk at the party when my Grandmother had her stroke
She was sitting on her bed
She put her hands to her head
And she pissed herself when she spoke
The next day was Barbara’s graduation
I wouldn’t miss it for the world
I kept quiet about what had happened
I guess I didn’t want to upset my girl
But she saw the sadness on my face
(My Grandmother’s crippled grip)
Barbara offered not to go to the party after,
But I wouldn’t hear of it

And maybe you could sleep it off
And maybe you could even cry,
But I’ve been on this earth a while now
And some good things just have to die

The next morning, I drove to Barbara’s parents’ house
To see how was her night
As soon as she opened the door, my heart hit the floor
I saw another man inside her eyes
She told me it was an accident
“Could we please give it another try?”
But she was going across the sea to the Philippines
And she was going for two months this time
With Barbara gone, I taught guitar
To a girl that had always been
I thought I fell in love through Hell
And I told Barbara it was the end

And maybe you could sleep it off
And maybe you could even cry,
But I’ve been on this earth a while now
And some good things just have to die

My Grandma felt alone in the nursing home
I visited her one time
She tried to fix her hair as I sat with her there,
But I told her she was looking fine
My Grandfather pretty much lived there
You could find him there day or night
But my Grandma had a paper that said you couldn’t feed her
And he watched the dimming in her eyes
I got up to leave her there
In that room that smelled like shit
I told her I’d come back,
But it just hurt too bad
Well, I guess I was a stupid kid

And maybe you could sleep it off
And maybe you could even cry,
But I’ve been on this earth a while now
And some good things just have to die
Track Name: I Want To Be Forgot
Mandy, we made out once at city hall
When the lights were off and everyone was home
We were right there on the front steps
And Mandy, late one night you called on me
Talked on the phone in my dark room
When it got so much harder to breath
I opened the window
Felt like a shadow
I felt like death hung from my throat
Oh, have mercy!
“I’ve got to let you go.”

I’ve got a crying mind
It rattles loose sometimes
When I get sick with thought
When I’ve had enough
It’s the only time I talk to God
It’s the only time I want to be forgot

Mandy, my mom drove me to emergency
And asked me if I’d been taking drugs
I told her my friends were smoking bud
My heart was racing
My hands were sweating
They did a couple of tests
It felt like the ending
The results came in
They told me there was nothing wrong
I laid around for a week
I didn’t answer the phone
I only watched TV sitcoms and shows about family

I’ve got a crying mind
It rattles loose sometimes
When I get sick with thought
When I’ve had enough
It’s the only time I talk to God
It’s the only time I want to be forgot

You called me once, worried
You were having a baby with your skinhead boyfriend,
But you’d been sleeping with a Mexican
Oh, Mandy, oh really what can I say?
You really rolled the dice this time,
But it’s your life, it isn’t mine
Years later, you looked happy at the reunion
You were coming over to say hi,
So I ducked out to get some fries

I’ve got a crying mind
It rattles loose sometimes
When I get sick with thought
When I’ve had enough
It’s the only time I talk to God
It’s the only time I want to be forgot
Track Name: Riverside Park: Devil Mask & Wings
Lived in my first apartment home when I was seventeen
I lived there with Sarah Lou, she never slept with me
In the next apartment over, lived Jeffery who never bathed
And Sarah kissed him in the woods while I was at work
And she told me later on that day
And I almost fell over the couch
It wasn’t so much that I loved her,
But that she had fun and left me out
And I stormed out like a crazy man
And I punched the window of his VW Bug,
But the only thing that broke was my hand
I busted into Jeffery’s place
He was in the dark, sitting on the couch
I screamed, “How could you, man?”
But he got up and just ran out
Sarah said to go to the ER
To get someone to look at my hand,
But I told her not to tell me what to do
And had my Mom drive me there instead
There were two guys at the ER just like me
Both of them had broken hands and girls they didn’t need
They gave me a cast and sent me home
To an empty apartment house and a future suddenly unknown

I drank to go to sleep
I smoked to stay awake
I had two friends move in with me
And we carried on much that way
Minors wanted alcohol
I wore a Devil mask and wings
I ate stale Ramen from the pan
And made sure they were scared of me

I started dating Barbara from work
She smiled a lot and listened to my band
And pretty soon it didn’t hurt
Sarah’s friends would drop by just because
And they’d say they heard that I was dating a model
And I would tell them that I was
Track Name: We Buried A Cop
Poor Mike from my 6th grade camp, he was born a little strange
And every time we played smear the queer he was beaten with soap in a pillow case
He’d cry out for us to stop, and I did, but not the other guys
And by the end of the week he’d locked himself in the bathroom and cried and cried
His Mom came to pick him up, and she chastised him for not making it through
She said, “Mike if you can’t make it here you won’t make it anywhere.
Oh, what’s a mother to do?”

Sometimes you look at what you got
And it ain’t what you want
Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop

I got called out to clean up a suicide hours after it occurred
A big house in the middle of nowhere,
Swallowed in green /// surrounded by earth
The Daughter came out to the porch, and she signed my paperwork
Her hands were shaking so damn bad she could barely even write one word
She said her dad was losing land to the neighbor man
He thought it was all he had
She said, “I guess we weren’t a good enough reason to live.
He’s in the room to the back.”

Sometimes you look at what you got
And it ain’t what you want
Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop

Hank’s Dad was never around, and his Mom was working most days
He spent a lot of time with his Grandma; she was pretty much his slave
He’d say, “Drive me to Mickey D’s. I want a Happy Meal.”
And she’d drive without complaint
And when the drive thru gave him the wrong toy, she’d argue and get it changed
Oh, it was the death of me /// he wanted everything
It was hard for me to see,
But what his Grandma did for the love of that kid has always stayed with me

Sometimes you look at what you got
And it ain’t what you want
Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop

Drop Sarah off with her parents and drive into the night
Turn up the Dylan /// light a cigarette
“That woman is a violent crime”
Headlights on backroads /// dream of my future
What’s wrong with a better life?
Famous & married & twenty-five instead of night after horrible night
I’m too young to become a father
I hope her period arrives
Ashing smokes out of window /// drive, mother fucker, drive!!!

Sometimes you look at what you got
And it ain’t what you want
Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop