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The Buddhist

by Kye Alfred Hillig

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1.
Snow had fallen all over the ground My hair was dyed blue for three days now And I was running from home Got as far as Lower Burnett My Mom pulled up and begged me to come back, But something had to go It was miles and miles just freezing shoes Trucks would honk their horns and scream, “Fuck you!” But I’d heard that before I came walking into Wilkeson, hungry and tired Holly let me in And her parents said I could stay And I really thought that I knew myself The color of my heart and how it felt And Oh! How my young love would never sleep I thought that I’d be twenty-five, famous, & married I thought that if I stayed there she’d start to seeing me, But my young love was as blind as Ray Charles and half as cold as heat We were sleeping in the same bed I don’t know why her parents were ok with that, But nothing happened sexually Dale gave me Corona, put Led Zeppelin on We went upstairs and wrestled for fun And she was stronger than me We watched Gwyneth Paltrow and Ethan Hawke Something came over me: an electric shock And I just came alive She said there were four guys who wanted her time I said, “If you count me then it’s probably five.” And she ran to her room and cried And I really thought that I knew myself The color of my heart and how it felt And Oh! How my young love would never sleep I thought that I’d be twenty-five, famous, & married I thought that if I stayed there she’d start to seeing me, But my young love was as blind as Ray Charles and half as cold as heat We didn’t talk after that for years and years ‘Til Barbara cheated and then disappeared And then a call came out of the blue Guitar lessons were hard to afford Would I stop by sometime and show her some chords? Like a wish coming true We got together quick /// like a dog plays fetch She put my sticker on her car And I gave her bad sex And we moved in with my friends We broke up quick /// she showed up with her Mom Her Mom said, “Sad day.” And I asked her, “Which one?” And life felt like a grave And I really thought that I knew myself The color of my heart and how it felt And Oh! How my young love would never sleep I thought that I’d be twenty-five, famous, & married I thought that if I stayed there she’d start to seeing me, But my young love was as blind as Ray Charles and half as cold as heat
2.
Claudia’s friend Linda who recently died, Worked with us too back when she was alive And I’d threaten to take her out when I got paid She’d laugh and say, “Go find someone you’re own age!” But if you saw these two old Germans you’d know two things: 1) That friendship can be hard, and that... 2) Berlin ain’t what it used to be Claudia and I would work side by side, Scraping the ceilings after some violent crime And she’d think she saw a ghost and asked if I had seen Stepping out for a smoke saying, “Berlin ain’t what it used to be.” But here you are a million miles from home And the wall has fallen And you’ve changed yourself, you know? So they built some condos So they hung up some new lights I bet you after the sun goes down that the fucker really sparkles at night I watched these two old Germans down scrubbing the floors, Picking up human teeth from beneath a chest of drawers And how they’d stay out all night long back when they were teens A different guy each night, but now Berlin ain’t what it used to be Linda quit her job and moved to LA To live with her son and sit by the pool all day And when she walked away her stride was light and free, And Claudia cried, “Berlin ain’t what it used to be.”
3.
Come Play With Me (free) 05:18
Come play with me We really need a drummer Scottie you’re a drummer Come play with me You called me ‘sweetheart’ Your hat hung low (how did you see?) You listened to STP It was the only band that you would sing It was a long long long long long long long long life Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways? Did they push your heart into the night? Oh, Scottie, please forgive me! I didn’t mean to be like them If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend You told me that you were getting busy You’d have to quit the band I saw my hard work go down the drain And then you showed up in your pickup I told you to “Get your shit and go.” You tried to tell me sorry, But I just pointed down the road It was a long long long long long long long long life Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways? Did they push your heart into the night? Oh, Scottie, please forgive me! I didn’t mean to be like them If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend I called you weeks later, But you did not answer I left a message: “Let’s go get a coffee. Let’s make the past the past.” Then they called me, Told me you hung yourself from a bridge A place you went to as a kid And I just listened to the bus It was a long long long long long long long long life Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways? Did they push your heart into the night? Oh, Scottie, please forgive me! I didn’t mean to be like them If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend Weeks later, I went to your Catholic funeral And all my friends were crying, But I just listened to the church Your parents stood up and said you were going to Hell Some friends told me they touched you when you were just a child It was a long long long long long long long long life Did they make you feel ashamed of your sensitive ways? Did they push your heart into the night? Oh, Scottie, please forgive me! I didn’t mean to be like them If I could do it over I would treat you better, my friend Come play with me We really need a drummer Scottie you’re a drummer Come play with me
4.
I was twelve and playing video games when a knock came at the door It was the woman from across the street and she was crying so hard she could barely speak She was clutching her head and staring at the sky, but she pointed across the way I followed my dad over to their door and that’s where our neighbor’s boyfriend lay He’d fallen while hanging some Christmas lights for her kids in the middle of the night My Dad held him up so he wouldn’t choke on his blood, but the man was barely alive And they airlifted him to Harborview from the field of my elementary school He didn’t make it through the night and pretty soon my neighbor and her kids had moved And it really stuck with me the way you can lose something you love so quick But that guy really stepped up to raise her kids and I never thought he’d end up like this The house across the street (Stay empty! Stay empty!) The house across the street (Eats families! Eats families!) The ‘for rent’ sign was coming down and another family came moving in The two parents were morbidly obese and they were always yelling at their kids Who ran around the block like wild wolves: dirty faces & dirty clothes And when they wanted them home they’d yell, “Get your fucking asses inside! Don’t make me count! Don’t make me find you and beat you within an inch of your life!” Plates would break Doors would slam And I would wait for it all to end It made it hard to play video games when people were beating up your friends And once in a while they’d load into the car and the shocks would cry beneath their weight And all the neighborhood kids would laugh And I’d just wish they’d drive off and never come back... The house across the street (Stay empty! Stay empty!) The house across the street (Eats families! Eats families!)
5.
Licorice The Dog (free) 03:26
Danny’s dog tore apart my hand And I cried And I bled ‘Cause I thought that he and I were friends ‘Cause I’d pet his head The dog had a collar around his neck That shocked him if he ran And there was a tired look inside his eyes Like he’d had enough life You can tie what you love up to a tree Give it water, say, “It belongs to me.” Maybe there’s peace at night in Hell, But it seems that we’re not the people that we think A garter snake got into Ryan’s yard We beat him to death for fun It broke my heart and I told my mother so Her son: a criminal Danny and Ryan played by the service ditch without me ...Bullshit And Ryan’s arm had been in a sling I pushed him into the hole And they chased me You can tie what you love up to a tree Give it water, say, “It belongs to me.” Maybe there’s peace at night in Hell, But it seems that we’re not the people that we think And on our block lived a wanted man Alone: no friends He was quiet, but gave us friendly nods As we rode by his yard One day the police converged upon his house In handcuffs, they brought him out His house sat empty and his grass grew tall And his crime grew as we talked You can tie what you love up to a tree Give it water, say, “It belongs to me.” Maybe there’s peace at night in Hell, But it seems that we’re not the people that we think
6.
If the U.S. had not nuked Japan, I wouldn’t be alive today My grandfather would have been the first to hit the shore And he would have been the first one to get blown away, But he impregnated my grandma instead Got up early to bake Sunbeam Bread Called all Asian people ‘Japs’ Watched Married With Children and laughed And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But it’s hard to forget that I’m here because of something so wrong He’d work on his Model A Call me each year on my birthday, But he had a heart impossible to touch He didn’t seem interested in my life all that much And after my Grandmother’s stroke Alligators brought flowers each day to her window He remarried before her body was cold I think my family had a hard time letting that go And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But it’s hard to forget that I’m here because of something so wrong My mom called to tell me he’d passed And when his service in Salem would be, But I already had a life of my own Grown far away from the things that he chose not to know And years later my Mom gave me a letter About my Grandfather not killing a Japanese soldier on a smoke break When he easily could I guess inside of his chest hid a heart that was good And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But millions of people had to die so that I could be born And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But I can’t help but think of the families that did not carry on And I’m alive because of nuclear bombs, But it’s hard to forget that I’m here because of something so wrong
7.
I was drunk at the party when my Grandmother had her stroke She was sitting on her bed She put her hands to her head And she pissed herself when she spoke The next day was Barbara’s graduation I wouldn’t miss it for the world I kept quiet about what had happened I guess I didn’t want to upset my girl But she saw the sadness on my face (My Grandmother’s crippled grip) Barbara offered not to go to the party after, But I wouldn’t hear of it And maybe you could sleep it off And maybe you could even cry, But I’ve been on this earth a while now And some good things just have to die The next morning, I drove to Barbara’s parents’ house To see how was her night As soon as she opened the door, my heart hit the floor I saw another man inside her eyes She told me it was an accident “Could we please give it another try?” But she was going across the sea to the Philippines And she was going for two months this time With Barbara gone, I taught guitar To a girl that had always been I thought I fell in love through Hell And I told Barbara it was the end And maybe you could sleep it off And maybe you could even cry, But I’ve been on this earth a while now And some good things just have to die My Grandma felt alone in the nursing home I visited her one time She tried to fix her hair as I sat with her there, But I told her she was looking fine My Grandfather pretty much lived there You could find him there day or night But my Grandma had a paper that said you couldn’t feed her And he watched the dimming in her eyes I got up to leave her there In that room that smelled like shit I told her I’d come back, But it just hurt too bad Well, I guess I was a stupid kid And maybe you could sleep it off And maybe you could even cry, But I’ve been on this earth a while now And some good things just have to die
8.
I Want To Be Forgot (free) 04:03
Mandy, we made out once at city hall When the lights were off and everyone was home We were right there on the front steps And Mandy, late one night you called on me Talked on the phone in my dark room When it got so much harder to breath I opened the window Felt like a shadow I felt like death hung from my throat Oh, have mercy! “I’ve got to let you go.” I’ve got a crying mind It rattles loose sometimes When I get sick with thought When I’ve had enough It’s the only time I talk to God It’s the only time I want to be forgot Mandy, my mom drove me to emergency And asked me if I’d been taking drugs I told her my friends were smoking bud My heart was racing My hands were sweating They did a couple of tests It felt like the ending The results came in They told me there was nothing wrong I laid around for a week I didn’t answer the phone I only watched TV sitcoms and shows about family I’ve got a crying mind It rattles loose sometimes When I get sick with thought When I’ve had enough It’s the only time I talk to God It’s the only time I want to be forgot You called me once, worried You were having a baby with your skinhead boyfriend, But you’d been sleeping with a Mexican Oh, Mandy, oh really what can I say? You really rolled the dice this time, But it’s your life, it isn’t mine Years later, you looked happy at the reunion You were coming over to say hi, So I ducked out to get some fries I’ve got a crying mind It rattles loose sometimes When I get sick with thought When I’ve had enough It’s the only time I talk to God It’s the only time I want to be forgot
9.
Lived in my first apartment home when I was seventeen I lived there with Sarah Lou, she never slept with me In the next apartment over, lived Jeffery who never bathed And Sarah kissed him in the woods while I was at work And she told me later on that day And I almost fell over the couch It wasn’t so much that I loved her, But that she had fun and left me out And I stormed out like a crazy man And I punched the window of his VW Bug, But the only thing that broke was my hand I busted into Jeffery’s place He was in the dark, sitting on the couch I screamed, “How could you, man?” But he got up and just ran out Sarah said to go to the ER To get someone to look at my hand, But I told her not to tell me what to do And had my Mom drive me there instead There were two guys at the ER just like me Both of them had broken hands and girls they didn’t need They gave me a cast and sent me home To an empty apartment house and a future suddenly unknown I drank to go to sleep I smoked to stay awake I had two friends move in with me And we carried on much that way Minors wanted alcohol I wore a Devil mask and wings I ate stale Ramen from the pan And made sure they were scared of me I started dating Barbara from work She smiled a lot and listened to my band And pretty soon it didn’t hurt Sarah’s friends would drop by just because And they’d say they heard that I was dating a model And I would tell them that I was
10.
We Buried A Cop (free) 05:15
Poor Mike from my 6th grade camp, he was born a little strange And every time we played smear the queer he was beaten with soap in a pillow case He’d cry out for us to stop, and I did, but not the other guys And by the end of the week he’d locked himself in the bathroom and cried and cried His Mom came to pick him up, and she chastised him for not making it through She said, “Mike if you can’t make it here you won’t make it anywhere. Oh, what’s a mother to do?” Sometimes you look at what you got And it ain’t what you want Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop I got called out to clean up a suicide hours after it occurred A big house in the middle of nowhere, Swallowed in green /// surrounded by earth The Daughter came out to the porch, and she signed my paperwork Her hands were shaking so damn bad she could barely even write one word She said her dad was losing land to the neighbor man He thought it was all he had She said, “I guess we weren’t a good enough reason to live. He’s in the room to the back.” Sometimes you look at what you got And it ain’t what you want Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop Hank’s Dad was never around, and his Mom was working most days He spent a lot of time with his Grandma; she was pretty much his slave He’d say, “Drive me to Mickey D’s. I want a Happy Meal.” And she’d drive without complaint And when the drive thru gave him the wrong toy, she’d argue and get it changed Oh, it was the death of me /// he wanted everything It was hard for me to see, But what his Grandma did for the love of that kid has always stayed with me Sometimes you look at what you got And it ain’t what you want Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop Drop Sarah off with her parents and drive into the night Turn up the Dylan /// light a cigarette “That woman is a violent crime” Headlights on backroads /// dream of my future What’s wrong with a better life? Famous & married & twenty-five instead of night after horrible night I’m too young to become a father I hope her period arrives Ashing smokes out of window /// drive, mother fucker, drive!!! Sometimes you look at what you got And it ain’t what you want Sometimes it feels like we buried a cop

about

All songs for this album were written over a week and a half in early June 2014.

credits

released August 14, 2014

Produced and mixed by Daniel G. Harmann & Kye Alfred Hillig July 14th-16th 2014 at The H Estate in Sumner, WA.

All songs written and performed by Kye Alfred Hillig.

Backing vocals by Kye Alfred Hillig & Daniel G. Harmann.

Mastered at RFI in Seattle by Rick Fisher on August 1st, 2014.

Cover photo by Kye Alfred Hillig

For show info and more, find Kye Alfred on Facebook at:
www.facebook.com/kyealfredhilligmusic

or on Twitter at:
www.twitter.com/KyeAlfredHillig

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Kye Alfred Hillig Tacoma, Washington

Lost his family in a house fire, but saved his guitar. Plays songs his family’s never heard. (Tacoma, WA Singer-Songwriter)

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