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There’s a jumper on the bridge
Stanley & Seafort’s with the kids
And now he’s Humpty Dumpty, Goldilocks
It takes a hand to make a puppet talk
The nighttime woke up wedding bells
Built a zoo where the Devil fell
And now I open doors — the animals run
What’s it worth?
Why do we hold on?
To prove a point?
To live the truth?
There’s a million hearts that belong to you
Instead of seeing only empty things — tilting barns or flightless wings
And the heart breaks down on I-5 South
I’m a creature getting out
Mother loved anybody else
The bloody hands of time washed in the Puget Sound
Got his shoes hung in the night
The pollution hides the sky
To feel you’re winning when you swung
“Beat his ass! He’s getting up!”
I stole one final moment in your arms
Held me once, then life moved on
What was the use in growing up?
Whose filed teeth proved they’re in love?
So goodbye, handsome sour grapes
You could have been wine if you’d only stayed forever a child on the beach
Growing older violently
And the heart breaks down on I-5 South
I’m a creature getting out
Mother loved anybody else
The bloody hands of time washed in the Puget Sound
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2. |
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Who lied and said you were a party?
Told you everybody’s eyes were watching you?
Some nights you wake and then it’s morning
Had a blizzard’s worth of snowing while you dreamt
And oh, how the days go by
And we just sit there and die
And oh, how I wanted you
Oh God, I’m telling the truth
Upstairs, there’s a woman lying naked
Eating grapes and looking famous next to me
Sunlight broke in through the window
and lit her body up like pinball machines
And oh, how the days go by
And we just sit there and die
And oh, how I wanted you
Oh God, I’m telling the truth
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3. |
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I stumbled through my loving you
And brought the curtains down
And the curtains toppled candles, bringing fire to the ground
And the whole house went up in flames
And black smoke filled the sky,
But that was just one afternoon not our entire life
I didn’t mean to leave you naked
I meant to wish you well
I didn’t have the grace to show it
I was clumsy and I fell,
But it’s not like I invented it
I’m not the first to lose control,
But if you only see my failures then I am an asshole
Come on and give it a break
That don’t define who I am
Anymore than tripping as a child and waking up a man
Come on and give it a break
Let’s see a show of hands
How many here that have hurt someone wish you could change who you were back then?
The person that I was once isn’t the person that I am,
But go on and paint me evil, baby, to a stranger or a friend
And you can pop champagne to my misery
And drink until you’re dull
You can shovel hate atop my grave,
But there’s no bottom to that hole
And you could find your way to success one day just to show me where you got
You could close your door on the 100th floor,
But that wont make it stop
You’ve got a fragile bird in your tiny hands that you chose to crush to death
You can kill your way to happiness,
But not much will be left
Come on and give it a break
That don’t define who I am
Anymore than tripping as a child and waking up a man
Come on and give it a break
Let’s see a show of hands
How many here that have hurt someone wish you could change who you were back then?
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4. |
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Hard to say what possesses a man
To fold it all in
To turn off the lamp
To leave behind friends without saying goodbye
To climb to the roof and into the night
They’re taking me away
Go onward…
Get your crying out of the way, sweet bastards
I’m just after the days
I know it looks evil —
What life does to people
I see myself in you
Don’t ever leave
When you’re losing you, I’m losing me
That hollow inside — how did you fill it up?
I gave my love to you, but it wasn’t enough
They’re taking me away
Go onward…
Get your crying out of the way, sweet bastards
I’m just after the days
I know it looks evil —
What life does to people
Hard to say what possesses a man
To fold it all in
To Turn off the lamp
To leave behind friends without saying goodbye
To climb to the roof and into the night
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5. |
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A lonely howl broke in the night
After an evening deaf from drinking
And I did not know that it was mine
Or that I’d spend my whole life dreaming
Shade: wisteria
It’s today that’s killing us
And it could change, but it never does
But we go on and go on just because
And you’ll drink wine, but it’s not sincere
You’re just pissing and posing
What will you do when nothing’s left?
When all your tired stores are closing?
Shade: wisteria
It’s today that’s killing us
And it could change, but it never does
But we go on and go on just because
And if the child you once were
Has become your favorite ashtray
Smoke up, friends, until you’re cured,
But you won’t find me living that way
Shade: wisteria
It’s today that’s killing us
And it could change, but it never does
But we go on and go on just because
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6. |
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My love is shit
It ain’t worth what you pay for it
And my heart is gone
I don’t care what I do
I don’t care who I wrong
And I’m falling down
Is it easier to see me now that I limp around (like) some crippled dog?
Like one drop of ink can darken the clouds and blacken the rain
And fall the color of pitch to kiss your face
When you shake those curls…
Through my fingers slips the waiting world — one stream at a time
’Til the carousel shuts down and the music dies
And I’m falling down
Is it easier to see me now that I limp around (like) some crippled dog?
Like one drop of ink can darken the clouds and blacken the rain
And fall the color of pitch to kiss your face
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7. |
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You’re gonna save your marriage
Put a baby in the spare room
Now you’ve gotta stick with me
Keep your eyes where I can see them
Don’t let me catch you staring
Other yards never seemed so green
In the shape of regretting,
Here lies the moment slipping away
I’m going out to the island
Will you watch the children?
Gonna fix these holes in me
Come back a better partner
Become a stronger mother
Gonna listen to the shells on the beach
In the shape of regretting,
Here lies the moment slipping away
And maybe I don’t get it
The human spirit seems to have so many needs
An endless hunger we pour into each other
Who’s gonna put the dog on a leash?
In the shape of regretting,
Here lies the moment slipping away
You can move in with your mother
Go back to the orchard
You can pull the apples right off the tree
You can save your good intentions for someone that will listen
You can have the boys every other week
In the shape of regretting,
Here lies the moment slipping away
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8. |
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Does Elvis play guitar?
No, I think he plays the harp,
But it’s been hard to tell, you know?
He fell to Earth and into the back of a hearse
And the driver just knew where to go
I saw a pile of flesh and feathers singing grandmother’s ‘Jailhouse Rock’
I summoned up the courage to go there together,
But the goddamned door was locked
The death of a shadow is light
With every breath I’m saying goodbye
With every breath I’m saying it
With every breath I’m saying goodbye
Your dog died and you thought he went to Heaven
I used to think someday I would go
There’s a church of kindness buried in your ribcage,
But now you’ve gone and called it a hoax
You let death put a ring on your finger
You made such a passive bride
But I woke up and the sun was still rising
I swear I saw you coming to life
The death of a shadow is light
With every breath I’m saying goodbye
With every breath I’m saying it
With every breath I’m saying goodbye
Well, I guess I should admit I paint a bad self portrait:
'A Lover Left Out In The Cold'
I’ve been a babe asleep in the arms of forever
One missed call from death row
Push down the wall and there is a window
Peace has been calling your name
You just couldn’t hear it over all of this talking,
But I thought love was why you came
The death of a shadow is light
With every breath I’m saying goodbye
With every breath I’m saying it
With every breath I’m saying goodbye
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9. |
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Is the dreamboat sinking?
A dog choking on a lotus flower shot up yelping,
Tethered to his dumb desire
You probably don’t see me down here at the Lake of Fire,
Floating on my back,
Shooting Roman candles at the Midnight Choir
So this Halloween, I’m dressing up as a younger man
Begging for candy before I turn back again
I never got to you
You never heard my cries for help
I thought someday you’d love me
I guess I’ll have to do it myself
In the year of the dog, I’m drilling for oil
In the year of the dog, I’m digging for…
My inner child, quietly smiling,
Hiding somewhere in this grave
Living through cancer
Dying for answers
Tossing out the birthday cake
A foxhole intrenchment of deeper enrichment
My lover’s gentle way
Some people out there listening
Cough if you can hear me
I’m just glad you came
Cheers to the unholy daughters making creaking mattress art with runaway fathers
Oh God, you gave me a start
I didn’t know anyone was here wearing the Apocalypse Mask
I should have been prepared, but I had to stop for gas
Give the world a mother —
Someone’s calling CPS
To come get the children
I’m sorry the apartment’s a mess
I’ve been busy starving
Whittling down the money tree
Using the scraps for lumber to build my own eternity
In the year of the dog, I’m drilling for oil
In the year of the dog, I’m digging for…
My inner child, quietly smiling,
Hiding somewhere in this grave
Living through cancer
Dying for answers
Tossing out the birthday cake
A foxhole intrenchment of deeper enrichment
My lover’s gentle way
Some people out there listening
Cough if you can hear me
I’m just glad you came
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10. |
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And the ice rink plays the Goo Goo Dolls again,
“And I won’t tell ‘em your name”
‘Cause you know I get carried away-
Brushing your long hair:
An undertaker’s mane
Are you gonna raise your daughter all alone?
Finding a hook to hang your heart upon?
Now you’re waiting…
For the birds to call the Spring
Mummified by peace
But Heaven’s gonna change its fickle mind
Foolish hands lost the keys to the car
Maybe they slipped down the drain?
‘Cause you know I get carried away-
Going upstairs like a snake late at night
Gotta get you coiled up in my eyes
Sinking teeth into the venom of life
Now you’re waiting…
For the birds to call the Spring
Mummified by peace
But Heaven’s gonna change its fickle mind
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11. |
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We roam the streets
We circle dogs
The oil stains inside the garage
Backfiring car broke like a bomb
We jumped the fence
And crossed the neighbor’s lawn
And if I’d've known that it’d go away
I would have marked the day and stayed that way
And if I’d’ve known that the world was mean
I would’ve held on tight
Oh, why did I leave?
The Summer girls, they needed tans
They left us alone
We wrung our hands
We float the river
We kick the rock
We hide-and-seek
We don’t get caught
And if I’d've known that it’d go away
I would have marked the day and stayed that way
And if I’d’ve known that the world was mean
I would’ve held on tight
Oh, why did I leave?
From the piano bench your mother screams
The Beta tape stuck in the machine
We stole a pack of Kamel Reds
Made the church yard smoke
Hid them in your bed
And if I’d've known that it’d go away
I would have marked the day and stayed that way
And if I’d’ve known that the world was mean
I would’ve held on tight
Oh, why did I leave?
Lost in woods and fell in thorns
I ripped up my clothes
Trudged through the storm
At the old graveyard where they picked us up
And took us home
And made us lunch
And if I’d've known that it’d go away
I would have marked the day and stayed that way
And if I’d’ve known that the world was mean
I would’ve held on tight
Oh, why did I leave?
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released January 9, 2019
Dedicated in loving memory of Anthony Bourdain who worked tirelessly to humanize the world.
All songs written and performed by Kye Alfred Hillig.
‘The Dog Lying Down’ was recorded by Kye Alfred Hillig at The H Estate in Sumner, WA between April-December 2018 with additional recordings done at the Trisler Residence in Seattle, WA and the Sweat Residence in Santa Cruz, CA. Mastered on the Winter Solstice, December 21, 2018, by Rachel Field at Resonant Mastering in Seattle, WA.
Musicians —
Kye Alfred Hillig: Vocals, acoustic guitar, mellotron, electric guitar, electric piano, & drums
Anthony Disparte: Backing vocals (Track 2)
Yoswa: Bass (Track 6)
James Resch: Bass (Tracks 2, 4, 5, 9, & 10)
Lady Lazarus: Backing vocals (Track 5)
David Bilbrey: Electric guitar (Tracks 1 & 6)
Geoffrey Castle: Violin (Tracks 2, 7, & 10)
Bill Nordwall: Upright Piano (Track 3)
Cover Photograph: Scott Haydon (
www.scotthaydon.com)
Cover Art Design: Barry Blankenship (
www.barrytheartguy.com)
