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I'll tell you one more time I won't stay
You can cry all you want, you can crawl, you can beg
But I'm gone.
I told you I'm gone!
& when you wake up tomorrow and no one is there
-And you throw on some clothes
-And you blow dry your hair
But it's just a hot wind blowing your world around
'Cause there's a cold front moving in
& if you stay here you're bound to get snowed in
Because I'm never coming back again
My feet are moving forward and my heart's on the mend
But I'm never coming back again
I'll tell you one more time that I'm gone
You can pick up the phone
You can call on someone, but not me
(You see?) I ain't answering
& when you're home at night
& the quiet pervades
There's a story you tell yourself to escape the truth:
You had a hand in bringing it to the end
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Q: "Heavenly gates, Oh! Don't you want me?
Don't you think I'd make a great slave?"
They've been making a wish to carry your casket
Down the river and far away
Throw your light through my open door-
Through my broken heart once more
& if it shines then we'll know for sure:
It's kind of ugly we were born-
We are born!
It's a matter of days without Viola
They brought her flowers: {hospital beds}
When the branches bloomed they thought they had her
But she went slipping right through the grates
A pack a day since the movies-
Since your sister showed you how
& if the backseat feels unfamiliar
Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out
They got carried away drinking Fridays
Like some revolver comes unglued
Beat about the face with bloody water
They can't wash you clean, but they'll strip you nude
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Stranger than me,
Stranger than you,
Is the world that's keeping us apart.
You want a quote that you can put in the news
But you'll say nothing from your heart
The voice of fear: Your architect
Built you your castle made of snow
To look down on me from those icy heights
To act as if you really know
Oh! My love is a blinding light
Hang 'em high (at the slaughter house)
& you might think that you've seen my face
But not one of you know me now
Over the years,
My beautiful friends
Treated me better than they should
Lifted me higher than my heart was low
To stop the bleeding if they could
The criminal in me
He loves you too
More than words could ever say
But this darkness it lives to see
The day I usher love away
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4. |
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Curled up upon the couch,
like handcuffs to take them out,
my old two loves.
One with teeth like dogs,
that brought the holocaust to crystal ball;
& the other chained to see
the things deepest in me: the gardener's rope.
Q; Did they show you to the room?
Q: Fill fountains of youth into blue jeans?
The night obscene:
Climbs every wall-
-Calls out my name-
like an animal that's grown too BIG for its cage
Not a father nor a child: A shaken snow globe just tossing flakes
'til the laughter's fallen flat down elevator shafts.
They want real snow, but I mapped their darkened streets
& gave the courtesy of replacing bulbs.
-But it's more than room and board
& their bodies only know one currency.
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5. |
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I'll come like God into your life
Morning, noon, and night
I'll come like God!
I'll steal the bread right from your mouth
Oh! Look who's hungry now & who's dining out
Pour the wine right down the hatch
It's never coming back a stricken match
I'll suck the love out of your bones
Empty hearts and empty homes
I'll come like God!
{No way home}
I'll come like God into your life
Wake the Children/leave the wife
I'll come like God!
I'll make a widow of the day
Your sexy youth now passed away
& just left the stem
Like a dog under the car
When you wish upon a star and get (a loan)
Every meal's an empty plate
Running black all through your face
I'll come like God!
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6. |
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There's a world I'll never touch
& it's right outside the door
I hear the passion calling screams
I hear the breaking of the boards
There's a world I'll never touch
& it's a secret that you keep
About the night you dropped your guard
& let them sip your gutters clean
& I have all these useless keys
I keep shoving into locks hoping you'll open up to me,
but maybe it's just a dream
There's a world I'll never touch
'cause I was born in the wrong way
As bland as drying fruit
As benign as burning sage
There's a world I'll never touch
& it thrives in beaten dens
-Like Heaven peeling leaves
-Like hanging photos over beds
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7. |
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It was at the senior prom
Corsages in the limo
Some sweet thing upon your arm
Your dad's words in your mind saying,
"You can't trust the way a man treats a woman,
But how he treats another man, well, that's most likely him."
& as you stepped into the gym
Tuxedo'd and slicked back
Your date giggled to her friends
Oh how you wished it'd never end...
But it's the ice age now
I bet you never thought you'd feel this way
It left you wandering 'round
Like every little thing you dreamed
All you ever do is give it up
Just to pay to cry
Until it turned into your life
& that mammoth towered high
So you thought that it owned you
You laid virgins at its feet
Each one its own defeat
Until there was no sun in your sky
Only a camera that took pictures of your wife
& told you when to smile
Like none of us survive
Now don't you dare tattle
I'm the best you'll ever do
But, baby, where's the proof?
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8. |
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A horse carried through miles of snow
Just to get it home before it passes on.
'Cause love ain't some candy store like your eyes had sworn
When I missed your greying streaks tucked back behind the eaves
& Oh- I kinda love it all!
The dove and the cannon ball
It's just to laugh-
It's just to cry-
But it's this kind of thing that's keeping us alive
So someone stole your violin; will you ever play again?
'Cause I miss your serenade to the one that got away
'Cause it gets so hard to believe in damn near anything
I want that world inside your mind; please let me come inside
This world it will carry on long after we're gone
No, it don't need us to spin; yeah, we're just here visiting
So please, when I sing my songs won't you sing along?
'Cause we make great harmonies: The beauty and the beast
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9. |
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How sad it would be to be your ex
To have fallen from your light
Plants grown brown & dry
To drop off a child with equal parts blood
Exchanging the details of "yes, he ate enough"
Catching whiffs of cologne through the open door
Driving away: 'oh, the way we were before!'
Many deaths humble the coffin
God just ruffles your hair when you've fallen
How tasteless each bite becomes
To remain in a world that only knows your song,
but has outlawed the words
To catch eyes across a room: Shrugged into lemonade
To look at the life (yeah, the life that we made)
Pumping the gas while some tired blonde
that looks like you from the back
turns the stereo on.
All of my friends grown so tired of the story
Keep trying to have me meet {1} Emily, {2} Jen, and {3} Tori
To know that if I'd gone left instead of right
If I'd left the door unlocked so you'd get in at night
If only I’d touched your hand & asked you to stay
in the church that we built before we ever had to pray.
If days wouldn't pass without my permission
I would hold them back and cherish what I'm missing
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10. |
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When the days have smoked this world to ash
& the night won't lift & the past won't rest
They climb the tower/They ring the bell
They've been selling us Heaven, but then giving us Hell
& I'll be awake whenever you get home
The man that you love, the man that you know
Every mountain will fall
Our bodies turn to bone,
But I'll break this bed just to hear you moan
You can break a world you didn't know was there
Running dark red blood through bleach blonde hair
This stolen Earth before the theft-
Every rotting mouth saying it's blessed
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11. |
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Sister, build the stairs so high you fall
I never really knew you much at all
Just a couple evenings in,
Some Trojans and a laughing fit
(I never really knew you much at all)
Time flew by the more we drank
Somehow I thought we would escape
Tied the dogs up to the porch
Thought I heard you call me 'sir'
(I never really knew you much at all)
Muddy footprints lead away
From the bed out to the grave
I could ask you what you're bringing in
A kennel for your closest friends?
(I never really knew you much at all)
Table to table serving food
I flagged you down, not to be rude, but...
Q: how do we open up the gate again?
And let another stranger in?
(I never really knew you much at all)
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12. |
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You can wear a mask: A wedding ring
Maybe if you hide your face your life won't mean anything
Some dead remains: You look away
Oh, I cannot carry you; I don't think I have the strength
Don't you ever shelter me: I'll survive
Some of these days just leave me weak: but that's just life
Lord knows where you will lead your faking light
Just 'cause it's dark outside don't mean it's night
You grab a drink: You sleep around
The years go by and the one you love you never found
You talk to God: You hope he's home
You put a rifle in your mouth & leave your lovely wife & kids alone
Q: What remains of elephants?
Q: Some neutered tusks turned into keys?
Well, you can make that piano sing
or you can die tangled in its strings
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released April 8, 2014
All songs by Kye Alfred Hillig except ‘Remains of Elephants’: (Lyrics: Kye Alfred Hillig. Music: Kye Alfred Hillig & James Holden Resch)
‘The Fields & The Flies’ written and performed by Milton The Long Haul Poet.
Produced and Mixed by James Holden Resch with Kye Alfred Hillig, August 2013- April 2014 at The Loft: Buckley, WA.
Mastered by Levi Seitz at Black Belt Mastering in Seattle, WA April 2014
Additional Musicians:
James Resch
Doug Wohlfeil
Melanie Harding
David Britt
Emily Ann Peterson
Tiffany Pike
Troy Christensen
Beth Hearns
Cover photo by Scott Haydon:
www.scotthaydon.com
Cover design by Barry Blankenship:
www.barrytheartguy.com
For show info and more, find Kye Alfred on Facebook at:
www.facebook.com/kyealfredhilligmusic
or on Twitter at:
twitter.com/KyeAlfredHillig